Spirituality as a post-Mormon agnostic Unitarian Universalist

Since I decided to stop attending Mormon services, began attending and eventually joined a Unitarian Universalist congregation, and realized that I am an agnostic and religious humanist, I have often contemplated what it would mean for me to be religious and spiritual. Am I religious and spiritual? Certainly not in any conventional, widely-accepted way, right?

Why would I even want to be religious and spiritual? Perhaps that's the most appropriate question. I've never considered myself to be particularly religious or spiritual, even when I was very active and committed in the LDS church. So why would I be now?

As I neared the end of my activity in the Mormon church, I feared that I would completely lose that aspect of myself. Growing up I had numerous experiences that I would have described as spiritual, even divine. Looking back, I can certainly "explain away" these experiences, but do I want to completely? When I discovered Unitarian Universalism and religious humanism, I realized that I could be religious and spiritual in my own way, but I'm still figuring out how.

Reading Reason and Reverence helped a great deal (I named my blog after the book, after all). It helped me to see how humanism - and a more 21st-century-friendly "humanistic religious naturalism" - can be religious and spiritual in a sense. I highly recommend the book to anyone contemplating how one can be atheist or agnostic but still satisfy a deep need to connect to others and the earth in a spiritual, meaningful way.

Attending Unitarian Universalist services and being part of a fellowship helped. Participation in fellowship life, including Sunday services, helps me to connect to others and to humanity in a spiritual and religious way.

Talking about my personal spirituality and religiosity is difficult. I love to talk about them in the abstract - in theory. But at a personal level, it's really difficult for me. I feel a lot of disappointment and hurt after a lifetime of involvement in Mormonism that ultimately left me as uncertain as ever. Furthermore, I am a highly intellectual, rational person. I am distrustful of my emotions and any hint of irrationality I find in myself.

So, how am I finding myself to be religious and spiritual in this new phase of my life? Let's start with religiosity. I have a profound appreciation for religion (so much so that I decided to make a career out of studying it!!). I recognize humans' compelling need for explanations, moral frameworks, community-building, and a sense of purpose. I think those who value reason and reverence equally (like me) also have a place for religion in their lives. I am religious because I recognize the need for affirmation of my values and beliefs from others, I find strength and purpose in identifying with a religious denomination and congregation, I believe we need to share our journey with others, and I feel that I need to serve others and reach outside myself.

I am spiritual because of the "reverence" part of reason and reverence. Not spiritual because of any supernatural beliefs (I have none), but because I feel the need to connect to other humans, to nature, to the universe, and to some perhaps less rational, less accessible part of me. I have reverence for all these things. I realize that science will not solve all our problems, nor can it bring comfort for all our sorrows and troubles. I believe that we can tap into some spiritual reservoir of which we are all a part. Perhaps "spiritual" isn't the best word, given its supernatural connotation, but it seems to be the best word to describe it. It is a recognition that I am connected to everything, and that everything is connected to me.

I find affirmation for my religiosity and spirituality in the UUA's seven principles, which I will list here:

1. The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
2. Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
3. Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
4. A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
5. The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
6. The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
7. Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

I am a Unitarian Universalist in part because these seven principles capture the ways in which I define my religiosity and spirituality and my need to connect to others.

I am spiritual because when I visit places like this (see photo below, Adams Falls in Ricketts Glen State Park, PA - BTW, I took the picture) as I did a couple weeks ago, I realize that there is a part of me that won't be satisfied by rational, logical explanations. When I visit places like this, I am touched at a deep and profound level. It brings me a realization that I am part of nature, and it is part of me. This waterfall is part of my home, and I share this home with everyone else on the planet. That's spiritual to me.