The Mormon Church, the gay rights movement, and Prop 8

All of my recent posts about Prop 8 and the Mormon church have been getting a lot of visits the last few weeks, and I even got an angry comment the other day. I just thought I'd say exactly where I stand on all this right now.

I grew up Mormon. I was active in the church until just a couple years ago. I've blogged before about why I felt I had to leave and how I am not bitter toward the church. I even consider myself a friend and sometimes defender of the church. But the church's involvement in the Yes on 8 campaign in California really tested all that. At first I was concerned and frustrated. After Prop 8 won I was angry. For many days. I'm not angry anymore - just sad and now anxious to help the situation get rectified. I'm excited about the surge of activism and support for same-sex marriage all over the country.

Let me be clear about this. I think it's unfortunate that the Mormon church has become the target of so much anger and frustration. Mormons are certainly not solely to blame for Prop 8's success. They are an easy and identifiable target, and public opinion is already mixed about Mormons and their faith. It's important to remember that many other organizations supported, funded, and volunteered for Prop 8. And, ultimately, it was California voters that decided to eliminate gays and lesbians' right to marry.

I also understand what Mormons believe is at stake here. I disagree with them, but I understand. Their commitment to marriage and family is deep. They truly believe that God ordained marriage for a man and a woman and that that bond will last for eternity. Same-sex marriage just doesn't compute in their theology. Homosexuality is wrong. I understand that these sincere, deeply held beliefs lead Mormons to oppose same-sex marriage. But what I don't get is why they feel that civil marriages between two homosexuals threatens their marriages or society at large. In the eternal scheme of things, these marriages should mean nothing to Mormons.

I would think that three things might make Mormons or other religious or social conservatives to pause and question their opposition to same-sex marriage: 1) the amount of evidence suggesting that homosexuality is normal and immutable and that same-sex parents are just as good as anybody else, 2) the fact that we ought to be encouraging marriage and family where ever and whenever we can, and 3) the fact that we need to approach even our most deeply held religious beliefs with some caution and humility and be careful not to impose those beliefs on others.

Anyway, back to Prop 8 and the church. The church did use its infrastructure and its authority to mobilize thousands and thousands of members in California and elsewhere to support a controversial campaign that was uncommon in that it sought to eliminate existing rights. The church and its members ought to expect a backlash from that. Did they think that gays, lesbians, and their friends and allies would quietly submit to inequality and that people all over the country would suddenly forget about the fact that the Mormon church threw its weight behind the campaign that won? I agree with Andrew Sullivan here:

The LDS church has every right to lobby for the public law to reflect their religious truths, and if the majority of others agree, there is not much a minority of gay people can do about it. But the LDS church cannot then expect to be above criticism and exposure and some harsh words.

The church's recent press releases have been almost laughable in their feigned innocence and calls for civility and immunity from persecution. They are playing the victim card after helping to strip rights away from loving, committed couples. And does a protest in front of a Mormon temple really constitute persecution? Honestly? I may be unaware of events that constitute real persecution, and if there have been such events, I am sad and disappointed. But my sense is that what they're complaining about is mostly stuff that they should have expected. Fair or not, there is a perception that the church really helped Prop 8 pass.

But enough about the Mormon church. I'm not angry at it anymore. Just sad. I agree with many others that have called for any anti-Mormonism to stop. It's counterproductive and there's just too much else to do. The movement for same-sex marriage must build strong ties to churches and people of faith. Research on public opinion has shown that Americans are torn when it comes to same-sex marriage. They are conflicted. People of faith that support marriage equality need to speak up. The gay rights movement needs to strengthen its ties to its religious supporters. Blaming Mormons is not what needs to happen.

And while it's tempting to want the courts to fix this again, I'm with Sullivan here again:

My own view is that [Prop 8] should stand, and the court should decline to reverse it. We lost. They won in a fair fight. No whining. With one caveat. Those civil marriage licenses already issued should not be revoked. I find the retroactive voiding of marriage licenses at once legally suspect and humanly cruel.

Our political campaigns can be better and stronger. Here is a nice analysis of the No on 8 campaign and how it could have been better.

Bottom line is that I support marriage equality and I think the future looks hopeful. Especially if we do it the right way.